Smart addiction

I was one of those who would have said that I can stop whenever I want to, I just don’t really want. The day when the object of my obsession was torn away from me, I had to admit that I am actually strung out.

Facing my addiction hit me hard.

Let me go back in the time and tell you how did it start.
About 18 months ago I purchased a smartwatch. I thought it was going to be support for my motivation to stick to my running routine. And because it was so freaking beautiful and stylish.
I thought that owning a fancy watch is a sign of being something, I could not put my finger on, but definitely something. Someone. And I liked the thought of me being that.

I did not even realize how I got hooked.

First, it was just running. I loved to see my improvements. Being faster and better time after time. Probably it was just like that without the watch, but seeing the numbers gave me the feedback I was craving for.

And then my workouts. After that, I started checking the daily steps. At the end of the days, it gave me the hubris, and I can easily imagine myself talking from the high horse of people who struggle with 10000 steps, meanwhile, I easily reach the double of that on an average day. Which is, let’s be honest, ridiculous. In the end, the number of daily steps will not make me a better person.

Then I got obsessed with my sleeping hours. Sentences such as “I should not feel this tired since I have slept 7 hours,18 minutes today” or “no wonder I cannot concentrate if I slept just 6 hours” were not unusual from my mouth. I started using my sleep as an excuse and argument.

And then the tragedy hit.

The first day was the hardest. I caught myself constantly checking on my wrist. And right in the same second, I felt the annoyance. The frustration appeared because I was not able to get what I wanted, the instant gratification.
Next morning I felt alone and helpless when I started my work out session. How will I know now how long I have exercised? How were my heart rate and many calories i have burnt? How efficient my workout was? Where is my award for it?
Going to bed in the evening I felt thwarted from the though that I am not going to have any knowledge about my sleep other than how rested do I feel.

Already after two days without my precious the withdrawal symptoms started getting better. Realizing my dependance made me face my weakness and be more conscious about it. I was not much obsessed with a healthy lifestyle, but more of a smart device addicted person. Which is I assume almost an inevitable thing nowadays?

Do I still workout? Yes. Am I still conscious about my health and fitness? Yes. Am I getting another device? Probably, yes.

Am I going to be more careful and aware of my attitude and relation to the device? Definitely.

Of course, being addicted to a health support application is one of the least harmful possible addiction what one can have. But it is still an addiction. The scariest thing about addiction is not necessarily the overuse of a substance/game/application, but the dependance. Just the phenomenon of something outside us being stronger and bigger than us ourselves and be able to control our lives. It is not the object of the addiction, but the fact of being addicted.

One response to “Smart addiction”

  1. JustineF says:

    Oh how relatable this is ! I’m also completely aware of my addiction and even if I don’t see myself able to “stop whenever I want”, I do know that I don’t want to stop.
    This is crazy how this constant gratification is taking so much importance. It’s like everything becomes numbers that are a proof or not of your worth. And we do believe these numbers and forget to try and trust ourselves a bit ! Like you said, we don’t necessarily for isntance need to know how much we’ve slept as long as feeling rested is the thing that counts the most. But I also found that even beyond the numbers right here right now, it’s also addictive to gather all the infos and draw an average. We then do averages of everything ! At least as far as I’m concerned.
    I guess I’m still a bit less addicted than the most addicted but sometimes it’s really striking. And when it hits, I’m like “Wow, okay, let’s put that phone down for a moment…”

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